WARNING: language. If this offends you, either grow yourself some guts or GTFO.
---
Oh bilbo.. that silly little hobbit. he was all like oh good, those dwarves left lol then gandalf was all GET GOIN THERE AT DA INN! and he was like fine... and then they were all like omg thats a fire in the distance and bilbo went to check it out and he was like omg what trolls? and the trolls were like stfu! and then the dwarves came one by one and got bagged and then gandalf was like how u gonna ccook dem? and they were like iunno and then the sun came up and they turned to ston e and then like biblo got a new sword and then they went on and he found a ring and it make him invisible and then they keep going and then they get to this big dark forest and they like omg i touch da river and the dood passed out for days and then they like omg a party over there! an they ran off the path but the lights went out and they did it like 2 more times same thing happen! and then giant spiders try to fuck them up and bilbo like ima cut you spider and used his new sword and then named it and then he chucks rocks at the spiders in the trees near his dwarf friends that were all tied up by spider webs and put da ring on and run away and den he comes back an cuts them down but oshit lotsa spiders so they run and then oshit they're in the party area so the spiders leave but ohnoes thorin isn't there so they get caughted by elves and then they find thorin and then escape in barrels to lake town and then bard is like hi im an archer then the go to the mountain and see the dragon and the treasure and the dragon gets pissed off and he like kills lake town but bard is leet so a bird tells him the dragons weak spot and then bard shoots the dragon there and it dies and crashes destroying lake town so the dwarves are back at the mountain like YAY TREASURE and then bard comes and he's like our town destroyed give us money to remake and then thorin like no and then bilbo like *steals thorin's grandpa's special treasure that thorin really cares about* then bard like haha i got treasure and thorin is pissed and then bilbo explains but ohnoes here come da elves and the elves and the dwarves and the humans all fight and then ohnoes here comes the goblins and wargs and then like big battle of 5 armies breaks out and then like bilbo gets knocked out and then thorin's like gonna die and he says hey man if people were less greedy and more like you it'd be a good place lawl and then like hobbits aren't a shitty race yay and then gandalf is like lets go home and then they go home the long way and then bilbo's stuff is gettin auctioned away but bilbo is like wtf im not dead stop it and then bilbo says get out and they do and bilbo starts writing his book There and back again ... the end