SCENE I
[ somewhere over the Misty Mountains ]
Whoever it is that's piloting the plane: Oh... crap...
Dan Bălan: What?
Pilot: Um...
Dan: What? What is it?
Pilot: We're ... out of fuel ...
Dan: Oh... crap...
SCENE II
[ just outside the Shire ]
Frodo: Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Elladan: What?
Frodo: I just remembered something!!!
Elrohir: What did you remember?!
Frodo: Haiducii!
Elrohir: What?
Elladan: Bless you.
Frodo: No, Haiducii!
Elladan: Man, are you allergic to pollen or something?
Elrohir: That's very good but what the heck is Haiducii?
Frodo: Well, they're --
Elladan: Wait a second...
Elrohir: What?
Elladan: Why are we the spear carriers here!?
Elrohir: That is a good question!
Elladan: I propose we boycott this story until we get a better part!
Elrohir: Amen!
[ Exit Elladan, Elrohir. ]
SCENE III
[ on top of the Misty Mountains with 1 crashed plane and 57 stranded people ]
Elrond: Damn.
Dan: What?
Elrond: No, I said 'damn,' not 'Dan.'
Dan: Oh. Well that's only one letter difference!
Arsenie Toderaş: So what are we gonna do?
Dan: I don't know...
Minions: Dragostea ... din ... Tei ...
Dan: They think we should sing.
Arsenie: Aww, man, again!?
Radu Sîrbu: Like that will solve anything.
Dan: Or we could try knocking on that big ol' stone door there. [points to doors of Moria]
Elrond: [knocks on door] Balin! Come hither!
Dan: I'm right here for God's sake!
Elrond: No, I said 'Balin,' not 'Bălan,' idiot.
Dan: Damn it!
[ long pause ]
Faramir: I don't think he's home.
Elrond: Damn dwarves, always disappearing...
SCENE IV
[ a card table in a garage somewhere ]
Elrohir: Got any threes?
Elladan: Go fish.
Elrohir: Man this is boring!
Elladan: I know!
Ghost of Balin: Ooooh... [goastly moaning]
Elladan: WTH?
Ghost of Balin: Ooooh... I need someone to play my part in this story... for I am dead... ooooh...
Elrohir: But we're boycotting it!
Ghost of Balin: Listen. You're in the story already whether you want to or not. At least play a decent part rather than sitting here 'boycotting' it like a couple of snooty three-year-olds!
Elladan: He's got a point, you know.
Back to Act VII
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On to Act IX