SCENE I
Aragorn: [backflip] Whoooooooo!!
Legolas: [runs in] Hey, I want to be in the story too!
Aragorn: You got a script?
Legolas: Oh yes, here it is. 'I heard screams and ... what the hell?' Um... 'Observes crowd, music, Elrond, O-zone, etc.'
Aragorn: You're not supposed to read that part! That's what you're supposed to do!!
Legolas: Ah. [Observes crowd, music, Elrond, O-zone, etc.] What shall we do?
Aragorn: Dance!! [sings song]
Legolas: What if I don't want to?
Aragorn: Come... join us...
Legolas: No, I can resist it with my high elven magicks.
Elrond: A-ha! You too shall be enlightened! [touches Legolas]
Legolas: Um ... ?
Elrond: Damn high elven magicks. But, it matters not. TO THE SHIRE, MINIONS!
SCENE II
[Hobbiton]
Daisy Boffin: Would you like some tea?
Primula Boffin: Yes mother!
Daisy: That certainly was interesting when Wormtongue and Saruman came to the shire, wasn't it Primula?
Primula: It was! I wonder what will happen to us Shirefolk now?
Daisy: Well, whatever it is, it certainly won't be more Big People trying to take over the world with their crazy music!
Primula: Oh, good. I disliked Wormtongue's singing, mother. It made my ears hurt.
Daisy: Yes, I agree. It was quite ... what the devil is that?
[ They run out the door to find Rose Cotton running down the street screaming at the top of her lungs ]
Rose: THE ROMANIANS ARE COMING! THE ROMANIANS ARE COMING!
Daisy: Calm down! What is it?
Rose: Romanians ... Europop ... The Love of the Linden Trees!! [faints]
Primula: Oh, no! What has happened to her, mother?
SCENE III
[ Lothlórien ]
Frodo: Hey, can we watch White Noise next?
Glorfindel: I dunno ... let's see if it's on. [changes channel]
TV: [explodes]
1 hobbit and several elves: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Elladan: Hey, bet I could fix it!
Frodo: Oh yeah right.
Legolas: [bursts into room] DROP THAT CROWN!!
Frodo: wtf...?
Galadriel: [drops crown on floor]
Legolas: Look at this! [uses crystal ball]
Galadriel: It's Elrond and his minions!
Frodo: And they're headed for the Shire!
Elladan: Hey guys, I fixed the TV!
Frodo: Excellent! Let's go watch White Noise!
Legolas: But ... but your kinsmen are in danger!
Frodo: Ah, they can take care of themselves.
Legolas: What the hell is wrong with you!?
Galadriel: Excuse me, language!!
Legolas: Like you care. Frodo, are you on stupid pills or something?
Frodo: Hey, relax! Chill out, dude! You can't worry about everything all the time!
Legolas: Am I the only sane person in this story!?
Elladan: So it would seem.
Elrohir: Dude, you sound like Snape when you say it like that.
Legolas: Listen, Frodo. We are going to go to the Shire now, okay?
Frodo: But I want to watch White --
Legolas: [grabs Frodo and runs away]
Back to Act V
Contents
On to Act VII