SCENE I
Galadriel: Well, I guess I could find out how this zombie madness started.....
Frodo: HAHAHAHAHA!
Elladan: Yee-haw!
*Blue light flickers in the background*
Glorfindel: What in the name of the Havens is that?
Frodo: It's called Night of the Living Dead!
Elladan: Yeah, we're going to watch Dracula next.
Frodo: You told me we're going to watch The Matrix!
*Glorfindel has a confused look on his face*
Celeborn: Damn, I can't find Gandalf. You got any ecstasy, Frodo?
Frodo: Well I believe Galadriel still grows some weeds in her garden. Don't know what they are for......
*Celeborn suddenly jumps back with a look of immense shock*
Celeborn: What in the name of Rivendell is THAT? It's made out of some funny black metal, has this huge eye on it's front, has two pointy ears sticking into the sky, and it's flashing everyone in sight!
Frodo: New Fourth Age awesomeness. It's called television!
Keleborn: Ahhhh it's flashing me!
Frodo: Oh this is cool! Smith is sticking hands into people and making copies of himself!
Elladan: Oh Elrond! I love you!
Elrohir: What is it, bro? *Watches television* OMG it's Elrond!
Elladan: With this funny black metal rectangle like object with two glass circles and arms sticking into his head!
Frodo: Don't you know ANYTHING about modern conveniences?
*Elrohir and Elladan shake their heads*
Frodo: By the powers.... Come here, you need a quick history lesson.
Elrohir: Do you still have any of that insta drunk elven wine?
Ellahan: So we can, like, totally ignore you?
Frodo: SHUT UP AND LISTEN! I found some hidden messages in these movies!
SCENE II
(Back at Minas Tirith)
Elrond: Yehahahahahahaha! *Backflips*
Faramir: *Bows* Thanks you lord for solving my confidence problem!
Elrond: Rise, Faramir, my heir! You have been purified.
Faramir: *Rises* I can take on the world! Thank you Dragostea Din Tei!
*Elrond turns to the crowd*
Elrond: Now, my fellow men, join the purification and togather, we shall usher ourselves into a new age!
Crowd: DRAGOSTEA DIN TEI! DRAGOSTEA DIN TEI! DRAGOSTEA DIN TEI!
Elrond: Forward into the new age of enlightenment!
Crowd: DRAGOSTEA DIN TEI!
*Everyone starts stepping forward to be purified*
Elrond: What dumbasses.....
*Faramir hears Elrond's thoughts*
Faramir: Elrond has given me psychotic powers! Dragostea Din Tei is the ultimate way to ass kicking POWER!
Aragorn: Whoa I didn't know you had it in you Faramir! Congratuations on your new position!
Elrond: Aragorn! Sing our national anthem, so we may all bask in the glory of the one song to rule them all!
SCENE III
(Lothlórien)
Frodo: OMG, they killed Trinity!
Elrohir: You bastards!
Elladan: Go for him Persephone! Now's your chance!
Elrohir: Yeah I'm sure he's desperate enough now!
Frodo: Here comes Elrond! And another, and another, and another.....
Elladan: Holy shit, he's got an army of Smiths!
Elrohir: I wish I could do that!
*A harsh, gravelly voice rises out of the ground*
Voice: So do I.....
Frodo: Who are YOU?
Voice: *Sings My Heart Will Go On*
Frodo: OH NO IT'S THAT CRAPPY TITANIC SONG!
Elrohir: AHHHHHHHH!
Elladan: *Faints*
Voice: Hahahahaha
Frodo: Reveal yourself!
Voice: I may not have conquered Middle Earth, but I will....
Celeborn: Is that you, Sauron? *Grabs pesticide*
Voice: Take over the minds of everyone in the world with the power of Dragostea Din Tei.....
Frodo: Whoever you are, you are interrupting our epic battle of Neo vs. Smith. Can you try to scare the shit out of us AFTER we're done watching television?
Voice: You have burned my ring, halfling, but know this: The one song to rule them all will destroy Middle Earth!
Frodo: I'm getting bored with your monologing. Spray him, Celeborn!
*Celeborn sprays the pesticide*
Voice aka. Sauron: Ahhhhhhhh you suck......
*POOF*
Frodo: No evil spirit gets in the way of my favorite TV show!
Celeborn: Hey, wanna watch Dracula?
Frodo: Cool! Blood sucking parasites are always fun!
SCENE IV
(Minas Tirith)
Elrond: Now, my men, spread the word! Let all free peoples be asslimiated!
*The crowd starts marching out of the city, chanting*
Crowd: Resistance is futile..... Resistance is futile.... Resistance is futile.....
Elrond: Aragorn, Faramir, lead the enlightened people to every corner of Middle Earth to bring joy to all the miserable people of the world. Dragostea Din Tei!
Faramir: Yes sir!
Aragorn: *Backflips* Whooooooo!
Back to Act IV
Contents
On to Act VI