SCENE I
[ distant music ]
Treebeard: What is that ... sound?
Frodo: [explains what's going on]
Treebeard: Oh, no! So now you are going to Lothlórien to speak with Galadriel?
Frodo: Yes.
Treebeard: Excellent, let's go! [picks Frodo up and puts him on his head]
Frodo: I AM AFRAID OF HEIGHTS!!
Treebeard: Oh, don't be such a chickenshit.
SCENE II
Elf in Rivendell "Ambanis" : Bhalbhalbhla!!
Glorfindel: What?
Ambanis: Lindentree! Lindentree! [passes out]
Glorfindel: WTH...
[ Elladan and Elrohir arrive ]
Elladan: What happened?
Glorfindel: Bhalbhalbhla!
Elrohir: What?
Glorfindel: I have no idea! Where is your father?
Elladan: Lothlórien, I think...
SCENE III
[ Frodo goes to Lothlórien ]
Frodo: Where is Elrond?
Galadriel: Oh he left. Ages ago. Something about spider-steaks.
Frodo: ...
Glorfindel: [runs in] Ha-haa!! [pulls out bow and arrow, scans around the room] Oh, hi Frodo. IT'S FINE!
[ Elladan and Elrohir arrive (again) ]
Elladan: Hey guys, where's Elrond?
Frodo: ... do you know who your dad is?
Elladan: Are you suggesting my mother --
Frodo: No, no, that's not what I meant at all! What I meant is, Elrond is allied with the semi-evil, semi-crazy musical group O-zone to take over the world with their Dragostea din Tei madness!
[ 2,000 miles away, Minas Tirith ]
Elrond: Hehehahahahaa!! [evil cackle as he makes more zombies]
Faramir [thinking]: Ţi-am dat beep -- hey, wait a second...
[ Lothlórien ]
Elrohir: ...and you came here from Minas Tirith?
Frodo: Yes, with Treebeard.
Elrohir: But how did ... how did you arrive first!?
Elladan: Shut up, Elrohir, this is serious!
Elrohir: Yeah okay ... Galadriel. Do you know what "Bhalbhalbhla" means?
[ Minas Tirith ]
Elrond: Ehahahahahaha [cough hack] aaaa!
Faramir: ... oh well. Ţi-am dat beep! Ce sunt voinic! Dar să ştii nu-ţi cer nimic!! [cartwheel]
[ Lothlórien ]
Galadriel: ... no ...
Elrohir: Damn.
Back to Act III
Contents
On to Act V