SCENE I
Elrond: Will you just shut up?
*Frodo shuts up*
Elrond: Now as I was saying......
Frodo: OMG it got Eowyn too!
Elrond: WILL YOU SHUT UP YOU RETARDED HALFLING?
Frodo: No.
Elrond: I'm gonna have to kick some ass with my high elven magics!
Sam: And the eye was on Rivendell for how many months.....
Elrond: Umm.....
Sam: And you couldn't use your "high elven magics" to do something about it?
Elrond: Duhhh......
Frodo: Too much elvish wine.
Faramir: *Whispers* He's an agent!
Frodo: Of stupidity?
Sam: Of tree hugging hippies?
Faramir: Don't you know who Elrond really is?
Frodo: A stone faced francophile?
Sam: Jolly Roger?
Frodo: Who's.....
Elrond: Damnit, my master plan is unfolding!
Frodo: Elrond's real identity?
Elrond: And midget brats always have to get in the way!
Faramir: Well.....
*Elrond dons black glasses, gives himself a magical haircut, and makes a meaaaaan face*
Elrond: You know much Samwise, hobbit of the Shire. Too much.
*Elrond extends both arms and places his hands inside Sam and Faramir*
Frodo: Oh god!
Elrond: Smith will suffice.
*Sam and Faramir have entranced looks and are holding themselves like zombies*
Frodo: WTF is this Elrond! I thought you were on OUR side!
Elrond: I have to make copies of my favorite song to survive! Ah, there we go.
*Elrond retracts his hands*
Frodo: Samwise, NO!
*Sam sings Dragostea Din Tei*
Frodo: My Faramir..... We had a real connection!
*Faramir does an aerial backflip while singing Dragostea Din Tei*
*Elrond pulls out some big black metal tube with a handle curving down at one end and a hole in the front*
Elrond: Only halfling. Goodbye, Frodo Baggins.
*BANG*
SCENE II
*The bullet passes through Frodo, leaving him unscathed*
Elrond: This will do it!
*BANG*
*BANG*
*BANG*
*BANG*
*BANG*
*BANG*
*BANG*
*BANG*
Frodo: Nynyahah
*BANG*
*BANG*
*BANG*
Frodo: Nynyahah
*BANG*
Elrond: Damned Hollywood physics.
*Frodo begins running from the palace*
Elrond: Now Hollywood physics permits me to kill the protagonist because he's being a chickenshit.
*Elrond does his agent jump*
Frodo: Must... Find... Galadriel....
*Elrond touches more citizens of Minas Tirith, making them all into copies of Dragostea Din Tei singing zombies*
Back to Act II
Contents
On to Act IV