SCENE I
[ Just outside the door ]
Radu: Hey, wait for me!
Door: [closes]
Radu: [stares at the door] Well that was jolly nice of them! Giving me ONE line, then leaving me out here with a dunderhead like YOU!
Bush: Hey, you think I ASKED to be stuck here? Where are we anyway?
Radu: I have no fecking clue!
Bush: AAAH!! IT'S AN OCTOPUS!!! [is eaten by the Watcher in the Water]
Radu: Thank god!
Octopus: Boo!
Radu: Aaaaaah!
Octopus: Bleeeaarrrgggh!!!!
Radu: Aaaaaaahh!
Octopus: Arrrghh!
Radu: Now my awesome singing skills will come in handy! [sings Dragostea din Tei]
Octopus: Aieeeeeeeeeeee!! [withers and dies]
Radu: Okay, that's taken care of. So how do I get through this door? [observes door] Maybe I should just wait here until they come back... [sits down on a rock and falls asleep] Zzzzz...
SCENE II
[ Somewhere in Eriador ]
Frodo: SO WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL ABOUT HAIDUCII?!?!?! [bangs head repeatedly onto a tree trunk]
Legolas: Oi, Frodo!
Frodo: [stops banging head] Wha -- where did YOU come from?
Legolas: Over there. So listen, I have a message from Galadriel: the airplane went down over the Misty Mountains, near Moria. We're pretty sure everyone survived the crash, but we don't know what happened after that.
Frodo: Say, aren't you supposed to be growing a garden?
Legolas: [looks sheepish] Well... let's just say that it involved a box of matches, a Subway sandwich, and a whole lot of fertilizer.
Frodo: I'm not asking.
Legolas: Good lad.
Frodo: So are YOU the one I'm supposed to tell about Haiducii?
Legolas: No, I'm just a messenger. Ta ta! [leaves]
Frodo: DAMMIT!
SCENE III
[ Moria, complete darkness ]
Elrond: Hello? Hello?
Arsenie: It's me, Picasso!
[a loud slapping sound is heard, followed by an "ow."]
Elrond: Will you shut up so I can concentrate on the spell for turning on the lights?
Dan: It's this way! Follow me!
Elrond: How can you see in this!?
Dan: Well ... I took off my sunglasses.
Elrond: Oh. [takes off glasses - the scene becomes a bit brighter]
Faramir: Hey guys, you know, there's a lightswitch right over here.
Elrond: Excellent. Hit the lights then, will you?
Faramir: [turns on lights]
[they head down the passage]
Dan: Watch your head!
Arsenie: Wha? [hits head on bit of protruding ceiling] Ouch! Where'd that come from!?
Dan: Wow. Great job Arsenie.
Arsenie: Hey, at least I can tell a competent pilot from an incompetent one!
Dan: Dude, I said I was sorry!
Arsenie: Do you have ANY idea how much that airplane cost? Any at all!?
Dan: Yes, I know. 125,000 lei. You told me already.
Arsenie: 125,000 down the drain, thanks to your GENIUS pilot!
Dan: Look. I apologized already and Radu said -- hey, where's Radu?
Back to Act IX
Contents
On to Act XI