SCENE I
(After they get out of the volcano)
Frodo: We're gonna die.
*Sam inhales*
Sam: This is some good shit.
Frodo: I don't care. We're gonna die.
*Volcanic smoke rises out of the flowing lava*
Sam: Try it, Mr. Frodo!
*Frodo deeply inhales*
*Sam deeply inhales*
Frodo: Yeaaaaaaahhh
Sam: Woooooooow
Frodo: Yeahhhhhhhh
Sam: Yeaaaaahhhhh
*A loud airplane-like noise sweeps over Mordor*
Frodo: My precioooousss.....
*Frodo and Sam fall unconscious*
SCENE II by Charlotte:
(House of Healing)
Pippin: Zzzz...
Frodo: Sam.
Sam: What.
Frodo: Wanna see something really funny?
Sam: Sure.
Frodo: [takes off Pippin's shirt]
Pippin: Zzzz...
Sam: What are you doing?
Frodo: Shh. [takes out sharpie and starts writing stuff like "Pippin is so hawt" all over Pippin]
Sam: ...
Frodo: Here, hold this. [hands Sam the marker] PIPPIN WAKE UP!!!!!
SCENE II Continued
*Merry walks into the room, breathing heavily*
Merry: Gotta get out of here!
Frodo: Lighten up, Merry. I've still got some of my crack stash left.
*Frodo searches his pockets*
Sam: It can't be.... Gone?
Merry: THE DARK LORD HAS RETURNED!
Sam: Are you paranoid schizophrenic?
Frodo: No, he's just retarded.
Merry: You gotta listen to me!
Frodo: Only if you got more crack.
Merry: A huge eagle made out of a strange white metal crashed into the palace!
Frodo: Holy shit!
Sam: Yeah I saw an eagle before I dropped dead.
Frodo: You dumbass, you're still alive!
Sam: Must be the volcanic smoke.
Frodo: Yeah, whatever. What did this eagle look like?
Merry: It had this huge eye on it's front, it's nose is bigger then Denethor's ego, it's got two paralyzed arms, and it's breathes fire from it's ass!
Frodo: Whoa, cooooooool!
Sam: I want one!
Merry: No you don't!
Sam: Yes I do.
Merry: THREE MEN AND A WOMAN JUMPED OFF THE ARM!
Frodo: WTF?
Sam: Have you been taking LSD again?
Merry: And these four hypnotize everyone they see!
Frodo: What are they doing?
Merry: Quickly, and stay quiet!
SCENE III
(Running out the house of healing)
Merry: The palace is this way!
Frodo: Whoa, I so got a bad feeling about this!
Sam: At least you got rid of the ring.
Frodo: Yeah, what can possibly be worse then a Sauron invasion?
(Running up the stairs)
Frodo: Is that you, Aragorn?
*Aragorn is singing at the top of his lungs in some weird language*
Sam: Look at his eyes!
Merry: He's under mind control!
*Aragorn is leaping into the air and trying to dance while singing in some weird language*
Sam: I always knew Strider was crazy!
*Footsteps are heard running up behind Frodo, Sam, and Merry*
Frodo: Pippin!
*Pippin seems to be in a trance as he leaps into the air and sings some song in a weird language*
Merry: Must be the entwash. He still jealous of my awesome height.
Sam: He's been around Aragorn too long.
Merry: What's that on his chest?
Sam: He thinks he's hot!
Frodo: Oh wonderful. One paranoid schizophrenic, one narcissist, and two people sing in some weird language. How can this get any worse?
Merry: Murphy's Law, Frodo!
SCENE IV
*Frodo, Sam, and Merry arrive at the top level of Minas Tirith*
Sam: Oh
Frodo: My
Merry: God!
*Three men and one woman are singing that same strange song in front of the dead tree.*
Frodo: Arwen!
*Arwen has a deadpan look on her face as she emotionlessly sings the strange song*
Sam: She's under the spell too!
Merry: Everyone's jumping, surfing, making weird hand gestures, and singing that song!
Frodo: They're all under mind control!
Sam: Let's check this out. Merry?
*Merry has an entranced look in his eyes*
Sam: Merry?
Merry: I must stay.....
Frodo: Why?
Merry: Dragostea Din Tei......
Sam: He's definitely high.
Frodo: What in the name of Middle Earth is Dragostea Din Tei?
Merry: Life......
*Merry hovers off into the crowd*
Frodo: Let's get out of here!